Rescue Me
by xAnotherSongThatWeGrewUpOn
Summary: Karkat and John come from pretty different worlds. When a rebellious, bitter and troubled teen meets the new kid, a deaf-mute goofball, what will happen? Humanstuck, might change the rating as chapters go on.
1. Chapter 1

**Be the new kid**

He sat there quietly, a bounce to his heel as he stared down at the piece of paper on the desk, pencil between his fingers. Thinking always came easy to him since he didn't have to hear anything else but his own thoughts, voiceless words that swam throughout his mind; but for some reason, he was having a case of thinkers' block.

_Write down ten facts about yourself._

Er.

It was nice that his cousin Jane was giving him space instead of hovering over the back of his neck every single moment, but this still didn't give him a lot of help. What could he write down?

John Egbert glanced up, eyeing the teacher. She seemed nice enough, understanding to his "condition", and he appreciated the fact that she was so comfortable having Jane sit in his class. John hoped that would be the same for his other classes, though a part of him seriously doubted it.

He had drawn a squiggly line as his train of thought ran off its tracks, and he quickly erased the mark. He didn't want to seem like a cocky know-it-all that refused to do such a simple assignment! But...

John frowned down at the paper, wanting to write "fuck you" and having to keep back an immature giggle at the imagery of Jane's reaction. She would probably drag him out of class by his ear. Again.

With a quiet sigh, which he felt exit his lungs and it felt nice, to feel something come from his mouth that he couldn't hear-he settled for writing down "1. My name is John."

Nine more to go!

He flexed his fingers, more than distracted by the faces his classmates were making while they concentrated, or seemed to write a whole goddamn novel on their lined paper. Jesus, no one wanted to hear an autobiography. John rolled his eyes, turning back to his desk and catching his teacher's eye. She smiled and seemed hesitant in her stance, as though she was considering approaching him and seeing if he needed help. He knew that she must have felt uncomfortable because she didn't use sign language.

If only he could walk around with a sign round his neck that said "I CAN READ LIPS!"

He would.

Ooh! A spark of inspiration hit him and he was writing the short sentence like his pen was on fire. "2. I can read lips pretty well."

Yesss. Now just eight more.

John felt some shift in the air from behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder only to see Jane's bright blue eyes in his own vision. She raised an eyebrow at him, signing very quickly and he hardly had to even look to know what she was asking.

_What's wrong?_

He waved his hand, giving her a small grin. _Nothing!_

Jane Crocker gave a roll of her eyes that John knew he'd picked up from her as children, and he slid down in his chair, wishing his spine wasn't so prominent against the back of the stupid thing.

When his teacher held up the five fingers, he began to panic internally. Shit! Already?! Why was this so haaaaard?

Maybe because it was his first day in a new school? A school full of kids that talked and laughed and flipped each other off in the hallways, with teachers that were either nervous as hell or strict as a drill sergeant, sometimes keeping in-between. John wasn't used to this atmosphere, since he had been homeschooled pretty much all of his life, taught by his intelligent and motherly cousin, as well as sometimes quizzed by his father. When he wasn't away on business.

John wished all the facts buzzing around in his brain weren't related to his lack of working ears, the fact that he didn't talk because he knew he would sound like some kind of retarded fool if he even _tried_a simple "hello". He tapped his pen impatiently, wanting to write down a bunch of random things that hardly mattered to him, and yet they seemed just so idiotic that he didn't want to get called on it.

3. I like Gushers.

That's a start.

4. My dad likes to wear fedoras.

We're getting there.

His tongue prodded at the inside of his cheek, and he squinted at the whiteboard ahead and thought long and hard - heheh, long and hard.

5. I have a peni-

The harsh pinch to his cheek made him erase that one immediately. God damn, Jane! He wasn't actually going to _keep_that one!

6. My favorite movie is NOT Con Air.

Clever boy. He gave a small smirk down at his own words, as if he were reading a witty novel. He could be so funny sometimes. He'd grown out of that movie what, a year or two ago? The realization had hit him like a tidal wave as he was sitting on his off-white couch one afternoon, watching the very movie. He wasn't even sure how it had come to be one of his favorite movies for the first sixteen years of his life.

At least now he could look back and laugh at his embarrassing younger self. Tsk, tsk.

7. I'm good at pulling pranks on other people.

That was true enough. He pulled pranks on Janey all the time! Though she didn't appreciate them. He didn't have any friends, so it wasn't like he had a peer around that could agree with his sense of humor; that part always sucked. When he was the only one laughing like a dysfunctional donkey and he couldn't even hear Jane yelling at him because she's forgot to sign it all out or she was just so pushed off the edge that she didn't bother signing what she was practically spitting in his face.

It was a miracle John had even learned to read lips.

8. I don't have any friends.

This one he hoped didn't read "sob-story", because even though he got lonely a lot, it wasn't like he _needed_a whole cult of people by his side. Even just one person, besides his cousin, would be cool to have around.

Actually...

9. Actually, I have three friends that I met online.

John felt his lips form a fond smile. What was he thinking? He had friends. They just didn't live anywhere close to him. But they bonded over stupid things and laughed at each other's jokes and even though he couldn't hear them in person-not that he would be able to if they were right in front of him-they were just as important as anyone he could meet face-to-face. They were like his family. Dave, Jade, and Rose.

He felt his heart do that weird thing where it was entirely full of warmth, and seemed to do the "grew three sizes that day" thing from How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Aha. Jim Carey was funny as hell.

That was when Jane poked him on the shoulder and his eyes shot up, because the teacher was walking back and forth at the front of the room, talking with gestures that he knew weren't even close to being sign-language - just some kind of quirk some people had. He clicked his tongue, then immediately stopped because it might have been the loudest noise ever and John wouldn't have known.

He turned around to face Jane again, giving her the look. _What's she saying?_

_You're getting with a partner and sharing your ten facts with them. She's pairing you up, though. No getting to pick._Jane shared what seemed to be a smug smile, and sat back in her own chair.

John was puzzled, but decided better than to ask what the hell she was so smug about and waited for the teacher to approach and awkwardly point him towards some kid that he didn't know, didn't want to know, wanted to shove the paper in their face and watch him read it and that look of awe/guilty realization wash over his face when he knew-

10. I don't really like school.

**Be the tired other kid**

Karkat Vantas couldn't keep his head off the desk, and he knew that any second Ms. What's-Her-Yap would come over and tell him he was being rude, needed to pay attention, do the assignment, blahblahblah.

Seriously. It's not like she _asked_ why he was so damn exhausted. He hadn't gotten any sleep last night because of his idiotic father and his constant yelling, at nothing that even mattered or _existed_. The bottle was always in his hand and a cigarette rested on his lip; Karkat doubted he even knew his son was living in the same house at all.

He expected that after school he'd get home to see his dear daddy laying in the armchair, asleep as fuck and snoring as loud as any kind of monster you could begin to imagine. He'd heard it all as a kid. Bigfoot? Check. Nessie? Heard it.

His cloudy thoughts were interrupted when, sure enough, the teacher came over and called his name in an impatient tone of voice. "Mister Vantas! I'm sure you're aware that class is still in session. This is your first day, you realize."

Karkat growled under his breath and lifted his eyes to her, deep-brown and almost murderous. The rest of the students were staring, giggling, texting behind the teacher's gullible back; the usual. He had to fight back the intense urge to roll his eyes and respond to her, sitting up as straight as he could.

"Sorry," he grumbled, pale hands in the deep pockets of his hoodie. Karkat even made the extra effort to add, "Won't happen again."

Oops. Another promise he would break.

Ms. Whatever-the-fuck sighed, wiping off his blouse like there was something there she wasn't able to clean off. Did she have issues or what? "As I was saying, you will be partnered up with John. He's sitting over there," she said with a bit of nip to her voice, and pointed across the room.

Karkat glanced over, his disinterest visible. "Alright then."

She allowed the class to move desks, meeting up with their partner in order to share their ten facts- Oh, yeah. Karkat looked down at his blank sheet of paper, slightly amused by the drool stain in the corner. Of course he hadn't done it. What the fuck did she expect?

He made his way around desks and chairs and backpacks that were _always in the middle of the aisles, goddamn it_, taking the desk to the right of this John kid, and plopping his ass right down.

Karkat noticed the girl sitting behind his partner, how her eyes were narrowed in a way that he was used to seeing from adults that were ever in his vicinity. He snorted, hardly giving a fuck that she seemed offended.

The silence was a bit awkward, he had to admit. Right as he was about to speak up, the girl stood, touching the other kid on the shoulder and walking out of the class. He had only nodded, like they shared some secret language. What the fuck?

"Hey," Karkat managed, irritated that a small bundle of nerves seemed to be getting the best of him. John looked like a normal, pretty nice guy, instead of instantly judging him like every other human on the planet earth - he wasn't exactly used to such treatment. Only natural that he'd be a little awkward.

John didn't reply, just gave his paper one last look before turning to see Karkat; what was weird was that his face lit up, blue eyes seeming to sparkle when really there was nothing magical about them at all. Karkat was a bit annoyed. Okay, so _he_had to speak? What a dick.

"So, let's just get this over with," he muttered, scratching an itch at the back of his neck and avoiding the teacher's eyes. John's eyebrows knit together in what looked to be confusion, and he saw the boy's hands raise from his lap just an inch, before they dropped back down.

Uh.

"Are you gonna make me do all the damn talking?" he asked, suddenly feeling a burning anger in his belly that he knew would only keep growing, and growing until he ended up punching the kid.

John blinked, his mouth making an "o", and he seemed to be studying Karkat for a long moment before the smile was back on his face, warm and friendly. It made Karkat's heart clench.

Was he playing around or what? Because Karkat was sure as hell not amused.

He growled, hardly flinching when the teacher's piercing, punishing voice rang from across the room; "Mister Vantas, if you haven't written anything down, I suggest you do it now, otherwise you'll only waste my time, and John's."

"I'll waste your fucking time, you bitch," Karkat muttered, not even bothering to hide it with a subtle cough or by covering his mouth with a sleeve.

Meanwhile, this bucktoothed idiot was watching him, blue eyes wide behind his glasses. What was his deal? Karkat could almost _feel_the happy and it was like poison; they were obviously complete opposites, of course Ms. Ruin-your-life had to pair them up. Jesus Christ.

"What?" Karkat's hands formed a pair of fists, and John just kept staring like he was so fucking interested and it pissed him off even more. "Do I look weird to you? Am I the ugliest piece of shit you've ever seen?"

John's goofy grin wasn't heart-lifting in the least. But it was then that the kid actually decided to be productive and turn his paper over, grabbing a pen and writing something before lifting it up to show Karkat.

_I can't catch what you're saying. You must mumble a lot._

...Say what?

"Wait, why did you even-"

John nodded, in some understanding way that made Karkat feel as though he'd been through this many many times before. The boy wrote down something else and handed Karkat the paper, watching him and bobbing his head slightly; he appeared to be listening to a song in his head.

Karkat raised a slim brow, directing his eyes down to the paper and examining the goofy handwriting-just about as goofy as its writer.

_I'm deaf._

* * *

Like that wasn't the most obvious thing to end a first chapter on. Haha.

I hope you all enjoy, because there will be more chapters coming! I'm planning this as I go and I dunno how my motivation will last, but I'm pushing through because I love JohnKat. c:

Thanks for reading~


	2. Chapter 2

**Be the deaf kid**

The other kid was staring at him like he'd just been caught murdering John's cat or something. He was used to that look by now, though. When someone found out why he wouldn't talk.

John felt that sickening feeling oozing into his chest once again, and though he should have been used to _that _by now, he found that looking into the other's widened, brown eyes was making him feel very self-conscious. He swallowed, forcing that smile onto his face that he hoped his partner could read. _It's fine. You didn't know._

Then the other blinked a few times, like he was coming back from something in the recesses of his mentality, and John saw his chest rise and fall, with the opening of his lips; a sigh. He raised an eyebrow and instead of gazing into those chocolate eyes, he decided to get to know his partner by studying everything else.

A faint pattern of freckles was splayed messily across the boy's cheeks, almost like he had applied cover-up to hide them or something. John held back a chuckle because he felt like if he insulted him without meaning to, this would be an awkward first class. Blue eyes wandered a bit further, and he noticed the set of black gages inside pale earlobes. John had seen some kids with them in the halls, and the thought of something stretching out his ear like that gave him stomach pains. Controlling an involuntary cringe, he glanced down at the boy's attire; a black hoodie with worn-out sleeves that were longer than the kid's wrists altogether - he must have been the type to chew on them if he got annoyed or angry, or even nervous about something. John could understand the problem with chewing on things when anxiety kicked in. After all, he'd always been more of a lip-chewer, though it was more dangerous with his large front teeth.

John finally noticed that he was being spoken to again while he had been analyzing the other's messy black hair. He had been wondering if it was dyed or if that deep raven color was natural. He blinked, a jolt going up along his spine as he locked eyes with Gages - that would be his name until John felt brave enough to ask.

He almost raised his hands to sign something again, as he had been about to earlier, but then pursed his lips when the idea became totally useless. So, he watched the other's lips closely as they moved.

"...didn't realize you were...uh. Yeah. So, sorry if I offended you..."

God damn it, this guy liked to mumble and it made John feel very lost; like he was Dora the Explorer with a map covered in white-out.  
He grabbed for the sheet of paper and his pencil again, thinking a moment before scribbling down a couple sentences and loathing his own handwriting. He hoped Gages could read it.

_You really should stop mumbling. I can read your lips, but when you trail off like you just did, it leaves me confused. : (_

John presented the paper, crossing his arms and leaning back down in his uncomfortable, pain-inducing seat while he waited for it to be read. He peeked up beneath his eyelashes and saw as his partner's puzzled expression gave way to one of...amusement?

He looked John in the eyes before glancing away, as though uncertain. But his lips were forming words again and John had to pay attention. "I just talk like that normally, dumbass," and his shoulders trembled a bit with what John had come to recognize as a chuckle. "I'll try to make sure I remember, though, for Princess Mute over here."

John was hardly amused by that comment.

But for being complete strangers and then finding out he'd been ignorant to John's condition, Gages was pretty funny. John was used to people finding out what he had and then backing off slowly, their hellos turning into sheepish smiles and then finally they wouldn't turn around to greet him anymore. But maybe...he was different.

Wow, that sounded a lot lamer in his head.

_Make that John Egbert, and we'll be on good terms._

Gages sneered down at the paper, his thin, dark eyebrows raising at the same time. "Egbert? Fine, then. Would 'Human Egbert John' be sufficient enough for you?"

_No. John's fine._ He was grinning, despite himself. _Either that or Mr. Egbert. Or even Master John. Take your pick, Gages._

The other seemed a bit flustered at the mention of his ear-wear, because his lightly freckled cheeks colored with pink blush, and he began to grumble because John couldn't see the words when they were all mushed together. He chuckled himself, though, proud that he could throw Gages' cool out of whack. Whatever the kids said these days.

"...Karkat. That's my name," his partner said after a moment, and John found his fingers pause when he saw the name, albeit reluctantly, he could tell. "Call me that, not 'Gages', or whatever the fuck."

So he had some kind of problem when those ugly black hole-making pieces of "jewelry" were addressed? John made a mental note not to push him any further; if he wanted to befriend Karkat, he'd have to be considerate of those things.

With a smile, he responded again. _Righty then, Karkat. And again, don't feel like an idiot just because words weren't spewing out of my piehole._

Karkat's lips tugged at the corners, a hint of smile visible before it was gone again. John felt the familiar clench of fear, and found himself hoping and _praying _in the depths of his mind, that he wasn't going to be left behind again.

It was always because of his stupid condition.

He nearly jumped when a woman - oh, yeah, the teacher - came up behind Karkat, and John could clearly see the strain in her face, the tenseness of her arms as she appeared to be trying to hold herself back from possibly hitting his classmate. He sat there quite awkwardly as he sensed him being yelled at, unable to really do anything.

Karkat's hands clasped between his spread legs when she finally walked away, and John looked to him with what he hoped was a questioning glance.

"We need to start sharing our facts, all that lovely bullshit." His brown eyes rolled sarcastically, and John felt a giggle bubble up inside his throat.

Karkat heard it. That much was obvious in the way his face changed. And John, for once, wasn't exactly sure what the expression meant. He chose to ignore it and nod, flipping over his paper onto the side that he'd actually written the assignment down on.

He presented it in a smug fashion, and then gestured with his fingers for Karkat's in return. His lips came together in a straight line, and he wet them. John's eyes followed the tongue momentarily before going back to counting the freckles along Karkat's small nose.

"I didn't..." Oh. He didn't do it. The last couple words had been hard to read, but John understood the gist and he shrugged, suddenly grabbing for Karkat's wrist. Ignoring the other's physical protest, he drew his own cell phone from his pants pocket, pressing it into Karkat's open palm and pointing to it with a quirked eyebrow.

When the other studied him, unmoving, for a minute before a frown settled in, John sighed and took back his crappy phone to type a message, showing him the scratched screen seconds later.

_I'm going to just type what I'm sa...thinking, instead of wasting paper space._

Karkat slowly nodded, his eyes flickering back and forth from John's face to the phone with faint hesitation.

_Just tell me ten facts. Or write them down on your paper. As long as you do them, I guess it really doesn't matter if you did them earlier or right now. Yeah?_

"Oh," came the silly-looking vowel with Karkat's lips, and John found himself grinning. His partner rolled his eyes again - he must have loved doing that - and fished for his paper, flattening it on the desk.

_Is that drool?_

"Shut the fuck up." Karkat chewed on his lip and John had a feeling it was to cover up a laugh.

He glanced over his shoulder at the door, frowning for a second. Where the hell was Jane? What was taking her so damn long, anyway? She's just said she was going to the bathroom, and even though she was of the female kind, John was pretty sure they didn't take this long "powdering their noses" or whatever.

Either way, it was a relaxing environment when she wasn't barking/signing over his shoulder like a madwoman.

When he turned back to Karkat, a pencil was held tightly in his grip, but no words were on the page. John tapped the other's fist lightly, offering a smile of understanding. It'd taken him some time to come up with suitable trivia about his oh-so-interesting self, after all.

_Just write something about yourself. Your life._

Karkat snorted, John could tell because Jane did that all the time. "My life isn't something to write about," he replied, and the slight tightness around his eyes made something deep inside John's gut stir.

_Just humor the teacher, dude! C'mon, your facts couldn't be as...lame as mine, anyway._

He couldn't _believe _he was insulting his own work! But if it was to help another, John guessed he could allow some ego to be numbed down.

Karkat's lips remained still for a long moment, and then, subtly and sluggishly, his fingers lifted the pencil and began to draw a line, making written words. John tapped his foot lightly, playing some unknown beat inside his head and calling it "Karkat decides to do his work".

When the other was done writing, he was surprised when Karkat pushed the paper his way, letting him read it. Oh. But it was only one... Well, whatever. Maybe that's the technique he would go along with.

John fixed his glasses, leaning over a bit to make sense of the...almost drunken-looking writing. For some reason it felt _rough, _like the underside of a cat's paw, or its tongue across skin - John didn't really know why, but that's just the impression Karkat's handwriting gave off.

"1. My dad's an alcoholic."

The sinking feeling in his chest was back with a vengeance. How could he respond to that without looking like a fake-assed adult consulting a child about their parents' divorce?

John pressed his lips together, glancing up at his partner and gently flicking the paper back over to his side of their shared desk. _Nine more to go._

When Karkat's eyes scanned the message, there was a certain look of relief hidden in the deep brown, and John could feel his mood rising. Now he knew not to press issues. Although there was a tingle in the back of his mind that was a nosy asshole about it.

Karkat glanced around the classroom next, a glare resting on their teacher, whose back was turned. He smirked slightly and began to write again, and John found himself eager to know what was happening inside this kid's head. He leaned over a bit, trying his best to read upside-down.

"2. All the teachers at this school hate my guts."

Oh.

John stared at Karkat's smirk, and it worried him a bit that it was unwavering. He guessed that Karkat and his teachers shared a mutual hatred that he would not get into.

_You have a reputation?_

He looked away from those gages again when Karkat looked up at him. His smirk was gone, and he gave a half-hearted shrug. John could tell he was keeping his voice low when he answered, "Guess you could say that. If being a fucking disgusting waste of space in this entire ecosystem counts."

John was stunned into silence - one where his fingers did not move. And Karkat was at work writing the next fact.

"3. You're the first person I've talked to that hasn't looked at me like I'm some kind of fucking animal."

John's replies were becoming shorter and more often than not he was sitting there, absorbing all of this information like it was poison, a virus that was making his heart beat funny and he didn't like the way he felt like he wanted to throw up.

"4. My hair color's natural."

He chuckled and caught John's eye, and the John felt himself go warm all over. Maybe he was a mind reader.

_So the curtains match the drapes?_

Karkat's mouth opened big and wide for this next laugh, and John suddenly felt like an ant under a magnifying glass because his classmates had all turned to stare at the pair of them. Shit.

He managed a weak smile and stared down at his hands, finding himself more comfortable when Karkat nudged his arm, using his chin to say that he'd written something else.

"5. The curtains match the goddamn drapes, smartass."

John sniggered into his palm and felt the urge to smack Karkat in the face, especially because of that shit-eating grin, but he didn't. They weren't quite close enough for that yet.

After another long minute - for some reason the teacher hadn't come over to question them, and John figured it was because she was trying not to be a total bitch around the deaf kid - he snuck a look at Karkat's next fact, which had obviously taken him longer to write for a reason.

"6. My family consists of me, my asshole dad, and my cousin Kankri, who decided to be a son of a bitch and leave one day without telling me horseshit about it."

John nodded carefully, thinking of his dad and how he wasn't around very much anymore, due to business, which seemed to be the love of his life and he briefly thought of his mother. He didn't think of her very much, mostly because his dad hadn't brought her up in many conversations; John didn't even know where she was, if she was still alive. Jane was a mother figure to him, now. But it got extremely irritating because he _knew _she wasn't his mom. She wasn't and she never would be.

So why couldn't he just appreciate her effort to be there for him like a mother would?

And then there was...

John realized he'd been buried deep within his own thoughts when Karkat gave him a look, and reluctantly showed him the rest he had written down. He let the pencil roll off of the desk, uncaring, and sunk down with his hands stuffed into the front pouch of his hoodie. He really did look small from this angle.

"7. My favorite color's gray. And don't say its not a color, because it is.

8. I hate winter. It's too cold.

9. Sometimes I want to be taller. But then I'd probably look like a douchepole."

What the hell was a douchepole?

John tried not to smile because of what Karkat had written a bit earlier, but it was pretty much impossible at this point; he was a hundred percent sure the other was just trying to make him laugh at the next ones on purpose, so he wouldn't have to write anymore uncomfortable ones.

The last one, however, nearly caused his nails to rip into the paper.

"10. I've had a self-harm problem since I was about twelve."

The air went cold around him, even though in that moment John was overheating - his heart seemed about ready to burst from its seams and he swallowed something that tasted like lead. He glanced over at Karkat, blue eyes widened to a considerable degree that he didn't look as horrified as he really felt. His classmate merely stared back, and there was a challenge in them; he was _waiting _for John's response. Like he was ready to accept rejection of some kind.

Well.

John admittedly wanted to smack some sense into him, to tear the paper into little shreds and type furiously on his crappy phone until Karkat's own eyes were wide and he _understood how scary that was-_

But he didn't.

John was expressionless as he pulled his phone back into his grasp, taking a moment to ponder what he would say as his fingers moved across the keys professionally.

_I lost my big brother when I was that age. His name was Jake, and he was really funny. He was like my best friend and we always hung out when my dad went on business trips, since we never had a pet. He signed jokes to me and would do these really weird hand pistol things that always made me spit out my milk._

Karkat's eyebrows furrowed as his eyes scanned the text. There was evident confusion there, and John knew why. He knew what the other was asking him before he could even move his mouth.

_Jake committed suicide when I was twelve. He was bullied at school for being gay. He cut himself and no one knew about it until we came home from a birthday party. There was..._

John could _hear _his lungs betraying him. He felt the crushing pain and the hands squeezing around his throat but he didn't stop typing, not even when his eyes were burning.

_...a big puddle of blood around him. He wrote a note for my dad and I, and Jane, but it wasn't enough because he wasn't breathing anymore._

John put down the phone.

Karkat was staring up at him and his eyes were as wide as dinner plates, although his lips remained closed, composed.

He wanted to get out of this place, more so now that Jake's face kept flashing in his mind.

* * *

Yeah, this chapter's just in John's POV.

Sorry for the sad ending to this chapter. ;c I know this topic can be hard to handle, but it's all a part of my planning. I'm sorry.

On a brighter note, I hope that this was helpful to explaining what Karkat looks like. I saw a lovely human!stuck picture of him by yummytomatoes on tumblr, and I really liked how he had gages. Even though they gross me out. Hehe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Karkat: Feel like an even bigger ignoramus.**

The rest of class went by as quickly as the smile had faded from John's face.

God damn it. Could he really do _nothing _right?

As if Karkat's day hadn't been a fucking drag to begin with, now this kid, who looked like he'd just had his innocent little heart stepped on by a pair of black Vans, wasn't talking- er, communicating with him.

Just wonderful. First day of Junior year: D-

It was almost a disappointment when the bell rang for second period, but at the same time Karkat didn't want to stay in the classroom that was full of tension he could slice with a knife. And he absolutely didn't want to see Ms. Wrinkly-Shirt glaring daggers at him from across the room. He picked up his anvil of a backpack and hoisted it over his shoulder, sighing roughly as he maneuvered through the mob of chattering idiots crowding the doorway.

Ah, the hall.

A beautiful utopia of body odor and public displays of get-a-fucking-room.

Karkat loathed the hallways. Even more than the classrooms.

He couldn't lie that his eyes scanned each person for any sight of John, who had seemed to disintegrate as soon as his friend/translator girl/family member had walked into the classroom. He'd seen her pretty much yank John's fucking arm once the bell rang, so that didn't exactly give Karkat a chance to apologize for being unaware. Yet again.

He really wasn't good at this "social interactions" thing.

When the kid's slight overbite and dorky-looking glasses weren't caught under Karkat's radar, his shoulders slumped visibly. Welp. He was probably dragged to his next class, which Karkat doubted they shared. Too bad... It'd been nice to actually talk to someone who wasn't looking for drugs(not that he had any, it pissed him off when people took the bags under his eyes as being from a night out with some crack), or who didn't want to find every excuse in the goddamn book to give him an F on his papers.

It was pretty much why he didn't try anymore.

He walked down the very middle of the hallway, being cautious of the giggling blonde girls flipping their hair over a shoulder like it was their fucking job; oh, and let's not forget the shit-brained jocks wearing their team jerseys already, pretending they were so super cool that every single girl should want to be able to hang onto their gigantic forearms. Karkat wanted to spit at them all. Instead, he simply rolled his eyes and continued on, narrowly escaping a blow from Platinum Blonde Numero Uno. Jesus fucking Christ-

"Hey, brotha," came a drawn-out voice from his left. It actually almost caused him to crash into a bookworm hurrying down the opposite direction of the hall. Karkat recognized the scratchy, intoxicated voice and glanced over to see the guy leaning up against a row of lockers; a lazy smile and lidded eyes were pretty much expected of the shaggy-haired juggalo.

"Gamzee, are you even going to try and go to class on your own? I don't need to escort your drugged ass everywhere, do I?" Karkat grumbled, stopped beside his friend for a moment in order to actually hear when he responded.

"Naw, man." Gamzee chuckled, a deep rumbling sound that barely made it passed his teeth. "I was just all up and motherfuckin' surveying the area, y'know? I'll get to class by myself. Where you headed, bro?"

"Uh..." Karkat sighed and reached into his dark portal of a bag, searching with his hand before pulling out his slightly ripped schedule and taking a quick look at it before grunting, "Study hall. Fuck no, I'm not going to that."

Gamzee nodded like he was bobbing his head to an unrecognizable beat, blinking slowly. "Gonna go to the motherfuckin' music room, then?"

"Probably." The shorter teen stuffed his schedule into the backpack again, taking a step back into the middle of the hall, now that kids were being herded into their respective classrooms. "See ya, Gamzee."

"Later, bro."

One of these days he'd have to get a drug test. And Karkat would laugh in his fucking face when he got caught.

No, he wouldn't. He'd help his idiot of a best friend hide his weed, just like always. Sometimes Karkat felt like the greatest guy in the hellhole called Earth.

But not really.

He made his way down the staircase at the end of the hall, trying to ignore a couple sucking face in the corner but failing, his temper getting the better of him and causing him to made a comment under his breath. PDA was high on his list of "Things That Make Me Gag".

The familiar cream-colored hall calmed him, though, as he made his way there instead of the opposite direction towards his actual class. Whoops, there was the bell. He chuckled quietly, pulling out his earbuds and sticking them in, hitting Shuffle on his iPhone. It was pretty much a habit, or more like a norm, now, that he skip any study hall he had scheduled and go to the music room instead. Karkat loved the tranquility of it, since nobody ever went in there except if there was an actual class - which were usually after school, anyway.

He'd been going in here for years without getting in trouble, so surely doing so on the first day wouldn't be risky.

He turned a corner and felt an instantaneous wave of relief wash over him; the room was at the very end of the hall, just before an Exit sign. As usual, he heard no talking in the hall, no one coughing loudly or laughing like a hyena about a joke that _wasn't fucking funny_, just peace and quiet. Aside from Daughtry singing in his ears.

Karkat removed the headphones as he approached the large door, pocketing them and rolling his neck because it was suddenly stiff. Great. It was probably from sleeping weird last night, if at all. He reached for the door handle, but something was odd and he paused before his fingers even brushed cold metal.

...There was music playing. From inside.

He immediately froze, his heart turning to ice as he realized that _oh shit why did I have to do this why couldn't I be a kissass and go to study hall like every cocksucker in this school there's probably a teacher in here and I'm dead I'm so dead._

Karkat peeked through the glass part of the door, curiosity overpowering his fear.

His jaw nearly hit the floor when he spotted John sitting there, at the piano. He was playing.

And not just for _fun, _either; his fingers were moving along the keys, like he was a veteran. The notes that floated through the minute crack in the door weren't just random ones, they actually sounded like a song. One that Karkat couldn't exactly place, but he knew in the back of his mind.

Holy shit.

He took a chance and swallowed his heart, opening the door carefully and for some reason was surprised when John didn't look up. Right. Deaf.

_If he's a fucking Beethoven II, I'm so done._

Wait. Oh.

John was playing Moonlight Sonata. Of course.

His fingers were slow, and careful, like he was afraid of damaging them as he played - but it didn't take away from the song at all. Karkat found himself stuck in the doorway and staring from across the room, taking in the sight, taking in John's profile.

John's expression was unreadable, but there was a tightness to his eyes and his stance was a bit slack, so it looked like playing this beautiful piece took no effort for him. Maybe he had muscle memory. It was obvious that he'd played a piano before, maybe even just a keyboard, and Karkat felt a slight twinge of jealousy that he was so talented. Talented and unable to hear it.

Oh, fuck. Jealousy was smacked in the face by Guilt.

Karkat dropped his backpack on the tile floor and then the keys made a loud, ugly note - he jumped and immediately looked back to John, who was now paused, staring directly at him with wide, blue eyes.

"...Uh."

Oops.

His fingers were still resting on the keys, like that piano was grounding him. Karkat took a conscious effort to not look at them for too long.

"Sorry, I-" Could he even read his lips? "I didn't know anyone was in here."

John was silent, unmoving. His lips slowly came to a close and his wide eyes settled for a softer expression, but he didn't nod or look away, for that matter. Simply studied the boy in front of him, almost looking ashamed for what Karkat had walked in on.  
Karkat found the silence getting real old real fast, and ripped out a piece of paper and a pen, slamming it down on the free space on top of the piano. "Why are you in here, John?"

John had most certainly read his lips, he could tell. His Adam's Apple bobbed and he pursed his lips, clearly thinking before taking the pen. His hand was reluctant to write and Karkat could understand that he probably had wanted to be alone. Well, weren't they just two birds of a feather.

_i'm supposed to be using the bathroom._

"So you have a class right now?" Karkat demanded, shock audible in his tone and he was glad John didn't catch it. He could probably see it, though. Maybe in his eyes or some freaky shit like that.

John nodded, giving a forced, wry smile before glancing back down at his hands. He took the pen and began to write again.

_i didn't really feel like being in my study hall. people are distracting and jane was just telling me my schedule and all this shit i don't even care about. so i came here._

"...But how did you know about this room?"

_i saw it when i came for a tour. _The playful smile was back. _the hall looked nice and there wasn't anyone around, so..._

Karkat chuckled, rolling his eyes and crossing both arms over his chest. "That's pretty much why I come here. Study halls are fucking useless and I prefer to be here with music, not groups of chimps."

John gave a small laugh, and holy crap it was audible, not the silent ones some deaf people do. It must've been an accident, but it was a pretty nice sound. Karkat felt his lips tugging upward in one corner and he fought it back. He wondered silently if John was ever told he laughed like a comforting breeze.

"Anyway... You play piano?" he asked with a raised brow.

John hesitated before nodding, his eyes meeting Karkat's and holding the stare for a long moment and then he was writing again.

_i've played it since i was really little. my dad kinda 'taught' me. i just really like it._

Karkat grunted in understanding, and he took a physical pause as he went over to grab a chair. "You're really good at it, too."

_really? well, thanks. _John looked strangely meek, and the way he was smiling down at the keys as his fingers danced down the row absentmindedly caused Karkat's stomach to twist.

He plopped down in the crappy green chair with another sigh, yawning. It wasn't long before John had shoved the paper back in his face.

_do you play anything?_

"Oh. Nah, I just..." Karkat trailed off, fingering the iPhone that rested inside the pouch of his hoodie, and he shrugged, giving himself permission. "Yeah. I play some guitar. But I mainly sing."

John gave that idiotic, goofy look of surprise - complete with a mouthing of "wow!" and he grinned when Karkat frowned at him.

"It's not that big of a deal," he mumbled, glancing back up and seeing confusion as a mask on John's face. Karkat smirked a bit, repeating what he'd said but a bit louder and more pronounced.

He was greeted with John's dramatically crossed arms and finger pointing before he was given a written response. _sure it is! i mean, i've never heard someone sing but it's cool that you have a talent like that. i bet you sound pretty good._

Karkat's cheeks heated, and he made sure to pull the sleeves of his hoodie down because he could see traces of scars on his skin. "Well, you don't know that for sure, jackass."

_i can always assume. :P_

"Assuming gets you nowhere."

_like you assumed i wasn't deaf?_

Ouch. John sure didn't play around.

"Yeah, well fuck you. That's a pretty rare thing so it's not like I was prepared for it! Christ."

John halted his hand, twirling the pen and looking at Karkat like he was trying to see into his very soul. Or even pull something else out of him.

He finally turned the paper over and wrote something else, handing it to Karkat as his smile faded.

_i know. i was just joking._

Well fuck. There was that look again, and the period at the end of the sentence that meant he wasn't just good at punctuation. Karkat had to resist the urge to slap himself in the face and simply glanced at the wall, gathering his courage before opening his mouth.

"...About what just happened, like, twenty minutes ago..."

He couldn't see John's face and he was forcing himself not to look, but he hoped the other was paying attention. He wasn't about to say this twice.

"Look, John. I didn't...realize. I didn't mean to offend you or trigger you or whatever. I honestly had no idea about this shit that happens to make up your life, but listen; I'm _sorry. _If I hurt you I really am sorry, but I'm not about to go around apologizing for every little thing I might say that could upset you. That's not how I am. But I'll be more careful and think before I puke word vomit from my mouth like an inconsiderate douchemuffin. Alright?"

This time he faced John again, scratching at his nose. The glasses-wearing imbecile had his eyes on Karkat, which was good. So he'd probably gotten at least eighty percent of what he'd said. John sat back a bit on the bench, and instead of going to the pen and paper he surprised Karkat further by reaching his arm out with a fist already clenched.

Wha...?

He must have noted the puzzled look on Karkat's face because he laughed once again, that soft, airy sound appearing to brighten the room just a little.

Oh. Fistbump.

What an idiot.

Karkat reluctantly obliged, pressing his knuckles to John's for a moment before pulling his arm back and shaking his head like one might at a child that had exasperated them.

"Dumbdumb."

John tilted his head, apparently either misreading the other's lips or not recognizing the word, which made Karkat laugh a bit himself - but then the door opened, quite loudly, and they both started, heads turning to see-

Oh. _Her._

"John!" she cried, and Karkat thanked any god that could be up there in the sky that he didn't have a sister, or family member of any kind that was like her. She stormed over, and John managed a guilty smile and waved to her. Like he was trying to downplay his skipping class.

What an ass. Karkat couldn't help the sneer on his face.

John's cousin or sister or whatever the hell she was seemed to gather herself and began signing furiously at him, and John had no choice but to reply to her at an equally fast pace. Karkat's eyes were blurring at the corners from trying to keep up with them.

It seemed like they were through signing the argument, and then the translator spun around to face Karkat, foot tapping. What was this, a 1950's film?

"What?" he asked, sliding down in his seat. She didn't scare him one bit.

Plus her outfit was stupid. Who wore plaid skirts anymore?

"You," she began, fixing her glasses, "are a bad influence on my cousin. Did you tell him to meet you here or something?"

Wow, what?

"Uh, fuck no. I didn't tell him to do _anything._" Karkat scoffed, tossing a glance at John, who looked just about as tired by this chick's nonsense as Karkat was.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, really. We just met in class. And we both happened to come here, so calm your tits."

She flushed an angry shade of red and Karkat felt a sense of accomplishment. It was always fucking hilarious when he could do that to Terezi, too.

"Ex_cuse _me? With language like that, you really shouldn't be around John at all!" she shouted; good thing the door was closed.

"Hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty damn sure John's not the innocent little baby that you so clearly are making him out to be, princess." Ooh, she was _steaming _and Karkat felt compelled to go on. "Just calm the fuck down. We weren't doing anything wrong-"

"Oh, weren't you?" There was that sassy tone again. Ugh. Her eyes were narrowed and she looked about ready to slap Karkat across the face. Wouldn't be the first time that happened. "You _and _John are skipping class right now. You realize how much trouble you could be in if I were to tell someone about this?"

"I've been doing this for three years," Karkat answered smoothly, rolling his eyes. "No one could give a shit where I am, anyway. Trust me, your threats are just empty."

John looked pretty amused from where he was sitting.

"We'll see," she spat, and Karkat thought she might have been actually really pretty if she didn't remind him of Cinderella's bitchy stepmother. Yeesh. She turned and signed something to John stiffly, which probably meant "You're so dead, we're going" and he slowly rose to his feet.

Karkat's heart fell but he was good at keeping his face even.

"Stay away from John." He was actually surprised to hear those words hissed at him so firmly, and his brown eyes rested upon the girl's face, which was nothing less than serious.

John visibly sighed, and followed his cousin out the door, this time giving Karkat a gentle wave goodbye.

The door closed with a loud thud, and Karkat was left there alone. Again.

"Tch."

He stood, kicking the chair away from him and yanking his backpack from the ground. His ears were burning and he wanted to close his eyes and sleep away the aches underneath them, and everyone was just so fucking _annoying_. Did he really deserve this shit?

Karkat left the music room, hardly caring if anyone heard the large door slam shut as he stalked off down the hall, heading for the exit. Fuck school. Fuck that bitch. Fuck everything.

His dad would probably be drunk on the floor, but he didn't care at this point. Anything was better than feeling this ache in his chest.

Stupid John and his lousy, goddamn smile.

* * *

Whew! Chapter 3!

I hope I'm updating fast enough for you guys... I feel bad that my motivation isn't consistent. ; v ;

Yes, Jane's supposed to be like this. I know that's not really how she is, so please don't give me crap about it. For this story she's supposed to be kinda helping raise John and so it's a lot of work for her, too.

Give it up for Gamzee! Woooo!

And yes, Karkat loves Daughtry because _I love Daughtry so deal with iiiiiiiiiiiit._


	4. Chapter 4

**John: Squawk like a parrot and shit on Jane's head.**

John cannot do that! For one thing, he's not a parrot. Secondly, he doesn't have the ability or the confidence to _try_and squawk at his cousin.

Thirdly, if he ever did such a thing his ass would surely be handed to him.

John suddenly regretted having hardly any hobbies that required body work.

His head ached and he really didn't want to go back to study hall, not with the circus of students inside and surrounding him and filling him with so much _irritation_that it physically hurt. Not to mention that he had no friends, they were all across the country and the potential friend he had hoped to be getting along with was now probably pissed at him for having such an overbearing cousin. John wasn't even fazed knowing he was probably being a huge brat by thinking all of this, especially when Jane was walking in front of him, escorting him back to the cafeteria - seriously, a cafeteria study hall? Obnoxious.

It hadn't looked good when Jane was "talking" to Karkat back there; and by talking John really meant yelling, because he knew his cousin and she wouldn't let it fly that he talked to someone with gages, who swore plenty, who skipped class - ooh, such a scary boy he was.

Really, though! He'd been having a nice time conversing with Karkat through notes and phone messages, and he didn't really seem to care all too much that John was deaf and mute. It was one of the first times that he actually felt, well...accepted. By anyone outside his small family, really.

Save for his online buddies, of course. They had accepted his dorkiness without a second thought, and he hadn't even told them he was deaf-mute until about a couple weeks into keeping contact with each of them; but they hadn't cared in the least. Jade seemed a bit concerned for his well-being, how he communicated with others and who was taking care of him, but he wasn't surprised because she grew up on a lone island with her grandfather, away from pretty much any civilization ever. They weren't that different, and it was nice because sometimes Jade Harley felt like the sister he'd never had.

John's stream of thoughts were suddenly interrupted, scrambled like assorted puzzle pieces when Karkat's freckled face appeared again. Oh, right. He'd been thinking about him before.

_I really hope he doesn't hate me... Jane probably pissed him off and he won't even come near me._

That was certainly pessimistic, a bit unlike him, but he had all the right to be worried!

Jane had never allowed him to have friends of any kind; it must have had something to do with her protectiveness of him like he was a naive toddler that could easily wander into the open mouth of a crocodile and get eaten - he understood that she didn't want him to get bullied, talked about behind his back or whatever, but it was just annoying as hell. She hadn't been pleased when he was online talking to one of his three stooges. He recalled her saying something about how they could have been fifty year-old men pretending to be teenagers just to get to unaware little boys. And he had already told her that they were his best friends, they wouldn't hunt down some glasses-wearing dummy who was deaf. She was reluctant, but thankfully she'd let him keep Pestering them.

It secretly angered John when Jane tried to be the parent when his dad wasn't around.

Even right now, his cousin was looking back and making attempts to grab for his hand and try to pull him along at a faster pace, knocking his concentration out of whack _again_. Seriously! John rebelliously snatched his hand back, ignoring the look she gave him which most certainly would be followed by some stream of sign language.

Yep. Jane was stopped and now she was signing away.

_What's wrong with you? You're being unusually bratty._

Here we go.

_Sorry. Maybe it's just, I don't know, you tore me away from an actual person that seemed interested in befriending me?_

Jane's nostrils flared, and she had the decency to pull in against a wall so they wouldn't be signing it out in the midst of the hall if a teacher came walking on by. John wasn't impressed by her quick signing right now; he was becoming absolutely consumed by this _headache_and she was making it even worse by not talking, everything being so silent and he suddenly felt so black. So black.

He had to fight back a smirk when her fingers fumbled over themselves a bit.

_John, honestly! You of all people should have seen that he wasn't a good influence on you. Or anyone, for that matter. He looked disgusting and shaggy and just...like some kind of rebellious fool! Would you really want to hang around someone like that?!_

John only hesitated for a moment before signing back. _Yeah, I would. He was funny and he was nice to me, Jane! He didn't realize the thing with Jake and it wasn't-_

_Jake?_

He should have kept his hands still.

He knew the look that would be on her face when he glanced back from looking stiffly at the window, the look he always tried to get out of his head because it was the same goddamn thing he had been wearing when he found his brother in the bathroom that night-

_What about Jake? John, answer me right now. You told him about Jake?_

John gave her a sideways look, eyes following her hands and there was a big lump in his throat that reminded him of the taste of what had been pouring out of his brother's veins-

_...It was an accident._ John's hands were slow, cautious, trying to form these sentences in a way that wouldn't have her on him like a wild coyote. It drove him up the wall whenever something involving his brother was brought up, from packing away an article of Jake's clothing or finding his old cologne bottle, and Jane had to go all out and fucking obsess over it like he was still with them and her weird cousin-crush thing was still beating like Jake's big heart- _One of his ten facts was about...self-harm...and I ended up telling him about Jake because he was confused as to why I was upset. Calm down._

That was the one thing she hated to hear and John knew it.

Sure enough, her eyes were wide and there was something there, like a drop of leftover tea ready to fall from the lip of a teacup; her hands moved fast like they always did when she was rushing, when her emotions got ahead of her and seemed to control her hands for her. John was almost having trouble keeping up.

_John you don't need to go telling people about that- about him and you should know that by now, what would your father think and what would that kid or anyone else in the school say if they found out about this?! DId you ever think about that, John? Do you really want him coming up in conversations around the hallways and between classes, having people talking about our family and how you lost him at such a young age? That was really stupid of you to tell someone like that about this, it's a personal matter that shouldn't be discussed with-_

"JANE."

The anger was there, it was boiling and John's hands were fists, shaking - he hadn't heard himself speak but the way his lips moved so carefully, so _loudly_and in his mind he could almost hear himself yelling at her the way he thought he had, no matter how ridiculous his voice sounded, rose or fell on time. It had gotten through and Jane was frozen, staring at him like a young girl who'd just seen something horrifying.

John never spoke. When he did, it was when he couldn't help it. Like when he had been sobbing Jake's name over and over and the police officer, not his father, was pulling him away from the scene, from his brother's sparkling grin and all the memories-

"Shut...up." It was upsetting him terribly, to force words out of his throat when he wasn't sure if they were being croaked or said firmly like he wanted; nothing was as he wanted and he had no control. It pissed him off.

Jane remained there, icy blue eyes locked onto his, and John had to tear his own gaze away because the memories were fresh, they had shared almost the same exchange when they were seated on the living room couch, waiting to be questioned by police.

Jane's eyes had been glassy then, too. But now they just reminded John of ice,_ ice ice ice _like the ice pack that Jake had applied to his injured arm after he'd fallen off the seesaw in the local park.

He wasn't sure when he'd started signing to her, but his veins were wired and his arms were full of energy, so much in fact that his hands were shaking viciously, he wanted to go home and his head was about to explode. _Stop. Just stop. I know what happened and I remember Jake too. He wasn't just your lifetime crush. He was my big brother. And I felt comfortable telling Karkat about him. So just...shut up. And let me decide what I want to do._

Warm wetness was rolling down his cheeks. He felt some kind of stupid whine escape his throat and he leaned against the cold brick wall, shaking his head like he could just make the tears disappear. Everything was stupid and he didn't want to be here. He hated school already.

He missed Karkat because Karkat made him think of playing the piano and writing notes and shit-eating grins. Not death.

Jane was there all of a sudden, and her touch on his arm was gentle, the way his father's had always been. John missed him so much, too. He missed too many things and the world was always passing around him, he was growing and changing but was he _really_?

_I'm fine._

_No. You're really not. You're crying, John._

Well if that hadn't been the most obvious thing.

He felt his glasses being lifted from his face and his lips trembled slightly; he didn't like being _blind_, too. Was he seriously such a pitiful being that someone of a higher power had decided to take away nearly all of his senses? And on top of the metaphorical sundae, add his large front teeth and the ugliness as a big fucking cherry?

Jane wiped the tear paths from his cheeks. John wasn't sure if she was trying to talk to him or not because his vision was so blurred, from his impaired sight as well as the fresh tears building - she handed his glasses back and he quickly put them on, fixing them in his certain way out of habit.

The hallway was still empty, save for them.

_John... Do you want to go home early? We can do that. Okay?_

John should've been surprised by her gesture but he was too busy wallowing in his own puddle of stupid, stupid emotions that he should have been strong enough to hold back by now, he was sixteen for _god's sake_-

_Yeah. Yeah..._His answer came in the form of many nods, one after the other.

_I'll go get your backpack and explain things. Just wait out here by the front door while I go to the office, too. Can you do that without getting in trouble?_

He sniffled, and his nose felt grossly congested, but he nodded. A soft smile and his cousin was jogging in the opposite direction, plaid skirt flapping.

It really did look stupid.

But on Jane, it was beautiful. He had to admit.

. . . .

John had taken out his cell phone as the minutes stretched on, waiting for Jane to return. She'd brought his backpack and reminded him to _stay put_with a dramatic gesture of both palms, but he'd just shrugged it off because he knew how to behave by now, even if he did want to get out of this place with the shiny new floors and Student Council campaign posters hanging up - school wasn't as nice as he'd been anticipating.

Looks like Dave had been right.

Speaking of his shades-wearing chum, he loaded up Pesterchum on his phone to check Dave's availability and felt his heart sink a little when no one was on- oh, except Jade. He could almost always count on his non-biological-in-any-way sister to be online, considering she didn't have school to worry about and her grandfather pretty much let her do anything because she was his precious little treasure. Something like that.

John contacted her immediately, hoping that her online status wasn't just a prank being played his stupid phone again. His apps really liked to lag and tell him things that weren't true.

**EB: jade? you're on, right?**  
**EB: or is this thing lying to me?**  
**GG: john! :D**  
**GG: wait what are you doing? arent you supposed to be at your first day of school?**  
**GG: dont tell me they kicked you out already!**  
**EB: ha ha, no.**  
**EB: well, yeah. i'm at school right now. but, um...**  
**GG: ?**  
**EB: it kinda pretty much sucks. things happened and i had a weird breakdown thing and jane gave me the choice to go home so i am.**  
**EB: and...yeah.**  
**GG: oh, john... :(**  
**GG: im sorry! it must be hard being a new kid so its ok**  
**GG: its understandable that things might not be so easy on your first day!**  
**GG: so dont feel bad because of that. youve never gone to a real school before!**  
**EB: i know. i just feel so dumb.**  
**EB: jane always makes things more complicated...**  
**GG: your cousin?**  
**EB: yeah...**  
**GG: was she being an overbearing mother again? :/**  
**EB: pretty much.**  
**EB: i mean i don't NOT appreciate her being there for me!**  
**EB: i totally get it. she's been here with me and my dad my whole life.**  
**EB: and she USED to be like a sister to me...**  
**EB: she just acts like i should do every thing she says and i don't like it.**  
**GG: i understand.**  
**GG: but maybe shes going through a lot, too**  
**GG: you know... with everything :(**  
**EB: yeah... she really loved jake.**  
**EB: scratch that, she still loves him.**  
**EB: but so do i. that's why it's hard when she explodes at me over the little things**  
**EB: like, telling me not to even mention my own brother in front of my new friend?**  
**GG: wait**  
**GG: new friend?**  
**GG: tell me! who is it!**  
**EB: oh, uh, yeah! i think.**  
**EB: well we talked during class this morning.**  
**EB: er, signed? noted? whatever.**  
**EB: he's pretty funny and i like him. he's kind of mysterious, too.**  
**EB: a bit of a jerk, but in a way that's kinda...**  
**GG: :o ?**  
**EB: ...endearing, i guess?**  
**GG: hehe**  
**GG: endearing, huh?**  
**GG: do you have a crush, john?**  
**EB: what! no! jade, c'mon!**  
**GG: :p**  
**GG: you should try and see if he has a pesterchum so you can talk to him more**  
**GG: maybe introduce him to us/ME!**  
**EB: ha ha, maybe i will. if i see him again.**  
**GG: why wouldnt you?**  
**EB: oh, well... it kinda has to do with jane and everything that happened today**  
**EB: wait she's coming back right now! i'll talk to you later!**  
**GG: aww.**  
**GG: ok john, byebye :D**

John quickly pocketed his phone and followed Jane out the doors to her car, paying attention with only half a mind as she explained how she had told the Headmaster and office ladies about his anxiety, and stress, and how he had to be handled delicately and like a glass slipper and blahblahblah.

What was on _John's _mind was how Jade had accused him of crushing on Karkat. That was sooo untrue! Honestly, they'd only met this morning and John wasn't even sure if they were friends. Or if Karkat's sexuality complimented his own.

Although he hadn't ever _really _told anyone in words, or gestures, John was attracted to pretty much anybody with a nice smile and a warm personality. Boy, girl, or otherwise. It had taken him a few years to get over the whole "no homo" thing; denial was definitely not his strong point and Rose had psychoanalyzed the shit out of him because of his unconvincing mental wall.

Rose knew just about everything.

He was pretty sure that only Jade, Dave, and her knew about his sexuality. They didn't care either way.

But really, John had never actually crushed on anyone before... Except for Miss Lalonde, for a time, but that was because he was in a state of adolescence that convinced him that she was the most beautiful and confusing girl on the planet and that he would _totally_watch Con Air with her.

Yuck. What had he been thinking?!

Not about Rose, about that damn movie! It would haunt him forever, just how horrible his taste in films used to be. He was soooo much more mature, now. He had learned from his past mistakes.

He had been a little bit heartbroken when Rose rejected his outright idiotic love confession at age thirteen, but it was for the best. They couldn't really be good friends if they were _together_as a couple, right? Or maybe...

John realized that the window beside his face had been rolled down, so the wind now swept back his hair and he predicted it would be quite distasteful once he got out of the car. Like he had been enjoying a nice stroll inside a hurricane.

He really liked the wind's company. It often relaxed him, the way it swept over his skin like a gentle reminder that he was never alone, even when there was nothing but silence - most times John loved to sit outside in a nearby tree on a windy day, just because the breeze completed him, in some way he never knew he could describe.

And then Karkat was stuck in his head again. An itch he had to scratch.

He was pretty good-looking for a rebellious type, the gages he could probably deal with if they became closer, and that _hair_was as cool as his own raven locks that John couldn't help but want to gravitate towards the other. But would Karkat want to open up to a nerd like him? He had...really seemed to enjoy John's company, as much as that was hard to believe. John had seen many people smile before, many people that came and went throughout his life, so he knew what a genuine smile was. How a person's eyes looked when they really felt safe, when the chains of trust finally bound together and the instant when they rusted and fell apart.

John had been raised very observant. And what he could remember, reflected in those guarded, deep brown eyes, was an instant of connection - Karkat had been comfortable in his presence, and for some miraculous reason John felt the same!

Maybe even...in the future..._maybe_...

Ugh! Goddamn it, Jade.

He felt himself chuckle, just enough to make Jane turn her head slightly, and he rested his head against the back of the seat in the car. Maybe he'd look up Karkat Vantas on Pesterchum tonight, and hopefully, Gages wouldn't cringe at seeing "John Egbert" pop up on his contacts list. Er, ectoBiologist.

The wind tickled his earlobe and John laughed lightly, agreeing that it was worth a shot.

As some random guy wearing clown makeup in the hallway had been saying, "_The world's full of miracles, motherfucker._"

* * *

Sorry that this chapter sucks and is full of drama-llama stuff gthyjunbd

I really hate my writing right now, I can't do it and I'm sick and it suuuuuuuucks

I hope you guys can enjoy anyway... I'll just be here blowing my nose. ; v ;

Oh, and in case any of you wanted to know what the fic's title is based off of, it's this song: watch?v=R4RDj1ITtI0


	5. Chapter 5

**Karkat: Call upon the musical stylings of Kelly Clarkson.**

He's already on it. His headphones were in before he yanked the front door open and stormed inside, dropping his schoolbag like it was covered in germs; he had to resist belting out _Behind These Hazel Eyes _while rushing through the only straight path towards the basement, and sure enough his drooling asshole of a dad was asleep in his usual chair, bottle of booze laying empty on the floor.

What a lazy fuck. Looking like he'd just gotten head from the neighbor's wife.

It wasn't the most outrageous thing he could imagine.

Karkat made sure to apply a professional kick to the beer bottle, sending it flying into the wall and shattering on contact. The noise didn't even stir daddy dearest, and he headed to the basement door, slamming it behind him. The musty aroma and squeaking, ancient stairs calmed the aggravated teen, as it always did when he found escape down in its dark, dusty depths. Kelly Clarkson had changed to Josh Groban - _that guy's voice is fucking angelic, okay?_ - and he took a deep inhale of familiar, unclean air while reaching for the light switch on the wall.

His desktop computer sat a few feet away, settled in a secluded corner of the basement, complete with a chair that rolled even on the shitty rug which covered the floor, a whole desk and shelf full of CDs, his old computer games, and of course his microphone, speakers, and headphones for when he feeling expressive and musical.

Home sweet basement.

Karkat plopped down in the chair, sighing and splaying his limbs out for a moment of relaxation, before tapping the spacebar on the keyboard a few times, turning on the computer screen. Only he used it, save for the few rare occasions when his dad wanted to look some shit up and took fucking _forever _to type it into Google. Other than that. he never came down to the basement, not even to tell Karkat if a meal was ready; this was why Karkat had pretty much made it a home away from home. In his own house.

He could care less if anyone thought less of him for finding his own basement more tranquil than any other room.

Karkat loaded up the document he kept hidden in his private folder, snarkily titled "stains on god's underwear", and- oh god damn it, the computer was going to be a bitch today, wasn't it? He growled impatiently and gave the monitor a quick hit, feeling slightly pleased with himself when the document suddenly opened.

(He then murmured a gentle apology to his beloved computer, petting the mouse lovingly. Aaand we won't go any further into that weirdness.)

Karkat took a long minute to examine the lyrics on the screen in front of him, silently cursing his own song. Fuck. Writing was hard enough because he didn't know what to say when everything in his head moved so fast and was too fucked up to record; _FeverDreamless_ was his first attempt to try writing his own music, using his own _words_, not someone else's. Sure, he liked singing covers of songs probably more than anything because he chose ones that managed to crawl their way into the only bright corner of his heart, but after a while it pissed him off - no matter how hard he believed he could relate, or wanted to, nobody but him could understand what it was like to be stumbling through his own life.

And he wanted to sing. He wasn't the best and he knew that, but his singing voice didn't make him want to claw out his eardrums and it wasn't as gross as his normal voice. Singing made him feel light and occasionally dizzy, like that one time he'd gotten into his dad's beer stash as a kid and wondered why everything felt like a dream. Karkat treasured that feeling, and it scared him when he got so _low_ and into that dark place that he didn't feel that happiness, could only see blood, hear his own voice screaming that _you aren't worth it_-

When he was singing he wasn't pitying and hating himself (as much). He was telling a story and he was flying, only...it wasn't his story.

He mumbled the first few verses of his song that he had written, as he always did when editing the work in progress. In his heart the words slid off of glass, they were real and held real feelings, but they felt so stupid and pointless and _boring_, no one would ever care to hear them. Sometimes reading what he'd typed brought the unwanted stinging to the back of his eyes and he had to sing in Sollux's voice - stupid lisp and all - to stop taking the words so seriously.

Speaking of that duality-themed retard, maybe he was in the library and it was possible to get in touch of him. Karkat figured it was worth a shot, now he was even more depressed and didn't feel like reading any more of his expressive bullshit. He minimized his song and opened Pesterchum, drumming his fingers on the desk and yawning. He would probably go to sleep early. That way it wouldn't be as much of a chore to get up in the morning for school. Or maybe his dad would finally let him drop out.

Yeah, he definitely wasn't going to bed early because he never did. In case the bags under his eyes weren't any indication.

Damn. Sollux's status was set to away, so he was probably in class or just being a tool, making out with his girlfriend in the hall. He was the reason Karkat had added PDA to his list of "Things That Make Me Gag". How Aradia put up with that hacker was an unsolved mystery.

Investigating further, it seemed that no one but Nepeta was online or available; and he was way too fucking exhausted to deal with her roleplay shit at the moment so god damn it she had seen his online status.

With a groan, he reluctantly clicked on her new message and found himself shudder.

**AC: :33 *ac lifts her rear a bit and swishes her tail, purrparing to pounce on her friend karkitty!***

**AC: :33 *he s33ms completely unaware and she finally makes her move, tackling him to the ground!***

**CG: OH MY GOD.**

**AC: :33 hi karkitty!**

**AC: :33 uh, i mean *ac gr33ts him ch33rfully, lapping at her front paws***

**CG: CAN WE JUST NOT**

**CG: NOT RIGHT NOW.**

**AC: :(( is something wrong?**

**CG: SHITTY FIRST DAY.**

**CG: I WOULD BE THRILLED IF WE DIDN'T OPEN UP A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT.**

**AC: :(( oh...well ok.**

**AC: :33 as long as you f33l better soon!**

**CG: YEAH**

**CG: THANKS.**

**CG: I'M JUST GOING TO LOOK UP SOME SHIT**

**CG: AND MAYBE RECORD OTHER SHIT, SO.**

**CG: TALK TO YOU LATER I GUESS.**

**AC: :33 *ac waves goodbye and her tail swishes happily as she wishes karkitty a good evening***

**CG: YEAH OK BYE.**

Well at least that wasn't as painful as he'd expected it to be. Nepeta could be pretty understanding. Now to just _oh my god what the fuck now._

Something else was flashing on the screen, some user he'd never seen before. Curious, Karkat clicked on the alert and recoiled when it read "a new contact would like to add you!" What the-

"'ectobiologist'"? he read aloud, practically hissing the word through his teeth. What would a science geek want with him?

Karkat intelligently decided to add this asslicker, just to bitch him out. He was quite fucking amazing at trolling, no matter what his friends said.

By friends he meant a group of messed up "buddies" that he was forced into being around for the earlier years of his life when his dad was sober enough to bring him to daycare. Somehow they all stuck around together, through weird mixed relationships and shit, and still kept contact with each other.

Karkat opened a new conversation with the new contact, cracking his knuckles with a small smirk on his face as he began quickly typing.

**CG: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN.**

**CG: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING.**

**CG: IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR.**

**EB: hi karkat!**

**CG: WHAT**

**CG: WHO ARE YOU AND HOW THE SWEET BLEEDING FUCK DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?**

**EB: oh, sorry.**

**EB: i thought you at least saw my name on my profile thing!**

**EB: it's john. you know, from school?**

The world seemed to freeze up around him and his fingers were left suspended above the keys; suddenly everything was clear, the blue of the text that kept appearing on his screen, every single letter and every word and why the hell had John contacted him? How had he found him what the fuck.

**CG: WH**

**CG: WAIT WHAT. JOHN?**

**CG: HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW I HAD A PESTERCHUM.**

**EB: i didn't! i guessed.**

**EB: hehe.**

**CG: HOW DID YOU FIND ME THOUGH.**

**EB: i just looked up your name. :D**

**CG: OH.**

**CG: WELL FUCK ME.**

**EB: hahaha!**

**EB: please, karkat. we only met this morning!**

What a dork. Karkat tried to ignore the sound of his own chuckling and the fact that his cheeks were warmer than usual and let his fingers glide across the keys. Typing was nice because no matter if he was yelling or mumbling, anyone could actually know and see what he was saying. Plus, his text was in all caps. It drew attention in.

**CG: WOW, WHAT A WITTY RESPONSE THAT I TOTALLY DID NOT EXPECT.**

**CG: YOU WIN THE INTERNET.**

**EB: do i?**

**CG: INDEED.**

**CG: YOU, JOHN EGBERT, HAVE WON THE INTERNET. TROLLS AND ALL.**

**CG: CONGRATULATIONS**

**CG: LET ME GIVE YOU YOUR PRIZE WHILE WEARING A SAUCY RED COCKTAIL DRESS AND PUMPS.**

**EB: what the fuck!**

**CG: SORRY**

**EB: yeah, ok! you're just as weird online.**

**EB: heheh.**

**EB: anyway, what's up?**

**CG: THAT'S AN UNUSUALLY CASUAL QUESTION.**

**CG: BUT, UH, NOTHING I GUESS?**

**CG: JUST SITTING HERE IN THE BASEMENT.**

**EB: what? why?**

**CG: THAT'S WHERE MY COMPUTER IS, DUMBASS.**

**CG: WELL, AND BECAUSE I'D RATHER NOT HAVE TO LOOK AT MY DAD'S STUPIDASS FACE WHILE HE SLEEPS IN HIS CHAIR.**

**EB: oh :(**

**EB: i don't really blame you then.**

**CG: YEAH**

**CG: UH**

**CG: WHAT'S UP WITH YOU**

**EB: about the same. besides the basement part.**

**EB: i'm in my bedroom.**

**EB: and jane went out to buy me some gushers.**

**CG: JANE?**

**EB: um, yeah. my cousin.**

**EB: the girl that kind of ruined everything today?**

**CG: OH. FUCK.**

Karkat suddenly realized he was hunched over and straightened out his back, wincing when his spine cracked in an uncomfortable place.

**CG: NO OFFENSE, BUT SHE'S A REAL BITCH.**

**CG: ACTUALLY ALL OFFENSE. TOWARDS HER.**

**CG: NOT YOU.**

**EB: haha, um... yeah.**

**EB: it's ok.**

**EB: she can be that way. but she's a really good cousin.**

**EB: she's pretty much been like a mom my whole life!**

**EB: as weird as that might sound.**

**CG: YEAH.**

**CG: BUT I UNDERSTAND.**

**EB: that's good.**

**EB: so i hope you get why she was so...you know**

**EB: bitchy earlier?**

**CG: …**

**CG: I THINK I DO.**

**CG: THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT OKAY IN MY BOOK BUT**

**CG: I GUESS THE FACT THAT SHE SEEMS TO BE A MOTHER LION FUSSING OVER HER IGNORANT LITTLE CUB MAKES MORE SENSE.**

**EB: hey!**

**EB: i'm not ignorant and i'm not a cub :(**

**CG: HAHAHA.**

**CG: SO YOU SAY.**

**EB: if i'm a cub then you're, like...**

**EB: a meerkat!**

**CG: WHAT.**

**EB: you know, like from the lion king!**

**EB: the circle of liiiiiiiife!**

**CG: OH DEAR GOD**

**CG: NO. I REFUSE TO BE THE LITTLE MEERKAT THAT EATS BUGS.**

**EB: him and pumba both eat bugs, dude.**

**EB: they're wild animals!**

**CG: I'M NOT A WILD ANIMAL.**

**EB: yikes! maybe YOU are the feisty lion cub.**

**EB: /wiggles eyebrows**

**CG: WOW**

**CG: I CAN'T EVEN FATHOM WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU.**

**EB: hehehe**

**EB: you know it's true!**

**CG: WHAT FUCKING EVER.**

**CG: ANYWAY.**

**CG: WHY ARE YOU AT HOME?**

**EB: oh yeah.**

**EB: well, basically... i got mad at jane in the hallway.**

**EB: we had a little argument and i got upset and**

**EB: just**

**EB: she let me come home early.**

**CG: YOU WERE UPSET?**

**EB: yeah. it's ok though now.**

That didn't make Karkat feel any better. There was a strange kind of tightness inside his chest and he had to make sure John wasn't looking at his computer with tears in his eyes and sniffling beside a mountain of tissues. Shit.

**CG: ARE YOU SURE**

**EB: yeah! i promise!**

**EB: don't worry about it.**

**CG: ALRIGHT...**

**CG: IT DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HOW RETARDED I WAS, RIGHT**

**EB: haha! you aren't retarded.**

**EB: i mean, it KINDA had to do with you**

**EB: but not in a bad way!**

**CG: HOW REASSURING, JOHN.**

**EB: no, look**

**EB: i was just pissed that jane seemed to ruin the only chance i'd had at making a new friend.**

**EB: so i lost it.**

**CG: YOU THOUGHT THAT YOUR IDIOT COUSIN SCARED ME AWAY OR SOMETHING?**

**EB: uh...**

**EB: a little, yeah.**

**CG: PFF**

**CG: JOHN.**

Whoa okay his heart was doing a weird little flip inside his chest like the time he'd kissed Terezi on the lips a few years ago, and everything felt new and wonderful all of a sudden.

Karkat took a moment to compose himself, punching himself in the jaw and sighing before replying to John.

**CG: LOOK.**

**CG: TODAY WAS A LITTLE FUCKING AWKWARD, BUT**

**CG: YOUR COUSIN DIDN'T "RUIN" ANY CHANCES OF ANYTHING.**

**CG: I MAY THINK SHE'S A HUGE BITCH AND NEEDS TO BACK THE FUCK OFF TO LET YOU LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE**

**CG: BUT THAT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH US.**

**CG: I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT IT WOULD BE PRETTY COOL TO BE YOUR FRIEND**

**CG: IF WE HAVEN'T ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT.**

**EB: really?**

Why was he surprised? DId he really not understand how nice his laugh was, or how bright a smile he had?

**CG: YES, REALLY.**

**CG: IDIOT.**

**EB: my only friends are online ones that live far away.**

**EB: i've never had a REAL friend from real life!**

**EB: i guess that means you're my first! :D**

**CG: I GUESS SO.**

**CG: YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING HONORED, JOHN EGBERT.**

**EB: ehehe. i am!**

**EB: the only thing is i'm probably going to have to keep this quiet.**

**EB: jane doesn't like you. :(**

**CG: WOW, NO SHIT.**

**CG: AS IF I COULDN'T ALREADY TELL.**

**CG: IT'S FINE, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT OR NEED TO.**

**CG: MY "FRIENDS" ARE ALL A BUNCH OF WEIRD IDIOTS ANYWAY.**

**CG: I WON'T BLAME YOU IF YOU DON'T TELL YOUR DAD ABOUT ME EITHER.**

**CG: I'M NOT EXACTLY SOMEONE PEOPLE WANT TO GET CHUMMY WITH.**

**EB: shut up! i want to get chummy with you.**

**EB: so tough shit!**

What

a

dumbdumb.

He was making Karkat smile and that felt way too foreign on his freckled face.

**EB: just you wait, karkat.**

**EB: we'll be the chummiest chums that ever chummed.**

**CG: OH MY GOD.**

**EB: you heard me! the best of chums.**

**EB: that'll be us!**

**CG: HA.**

**CG: WE'LL SEE, JOHN.**

**. . .**

Hours later, after John had sadly said goodbye because Jane was back home and he didn't want any more drama, Karkat logged out of Pesterchum and felt oddly satisfied.

Content, one might say.

The devilish voices that had been whispering things into his ear earlier in the day were gone, and his stomach no longer felt tight and hot - he was quite relaxed, enough to sink down in his chair and run his fingers through dark hair with a soft exhale. What now?

He figured he would put off editing his song again, because right now his feelings conflicted those of the lyrics and he just felt like it would be extremely weird to try and write more when he felt so...elated.

It was like John had fucking sapped the angry out of him.

A faraway door slammed shut, and it made him jump a bit in his seat. Oh, so his dad was finally awake at - he quickly glanced at the time down in the corner of his computer screen - noon? He was probably out of beer and felt it _absolutely necessary_ to go out and buy some more cases of it; definitely more important than buying his own son something to eat for dinner because nope, he really didn't _have _a son after all, sons were just myths.

Whatever. At least he wouldn't be around for a while and Karkat could finally have a private jam session. He got up and made sure the basement door was shut firmly, before carefully walking back down the dusty steps and making his way over the desktop again, preparing his microphone and headphones and opening iTunes, as well as his recording program.

What could he sing today... Hm. The choices were endless, he thought, as he scrolled down his entire list of songs with pursed lips and a frown. His mouse rested over a certain track and he hesitated, feeling slightly embarrassed for liking the song but _oh, fuck it,_ no one was around and he was feeling oh-so musical. Why the hell not.

He got everything ready and put the mic in place, wondering shortly if he should even bother putting his webcam on to make a video version for YouTube or to just record audio; a quick inquiry to Gamzee (who was online for some reason) and he reluctantly agreed to do the video. A few quiet grumbles were accidentally recorded while he fiddled around with his webcam feature, which was stupid as hell and wasn't the greatest quality, but too bad because he really didn't care about people around the world seeing his ugly face in the first place.

With a quick breath, suddenly feeling a jittery nervousness affecting his pulse, he clicked "Record" and glanced up at the tiny hole that was now watching his every move.

"...Hey," he began casually, suddenly finding an anxiety that he never really held in public, only when he was recording himself to put online; the whole thought of hundreds, maybe millions, of people tuning in to watch/listen to his stupid shit made him a bit anxious. Karkat cleared his throat, trying to pass it off as nothing as he gave a shrug, explaining that he was bored and this was just for shits and giggles, not because he was going to be auditioning for High School Musical 4.

Then he pressed play on the track, and put his headphones on, letting the instrumental take him back to a few years ago, when the soundtrack first came out and he had to pretend he didn't like watching those movies on Disney Channel, not in the least. When really, they were a big reason why he begun to sing in the first place.

When it was his cue, Karkat opened his mouth, letting his eyes close.

"_Na na na na,_

_na na na na, yeah..._

_You are the music in me._

_You know the words once upon a time_

_make you listen,_

_there's a reason._

_When you dream, there's a chance you'll find_

_a little laughter,_

_or happy ever after_

_Your harmony to the melody_

_is echoin' inside my head_

_A single voice_

_above the noise_

_and like a common friend..."_

A smile pulled at his lips and he was tapping his foot, feeling the music swell up inside of his chest and he felt light as air, the sensation of being one with the clouds. He faintly heard his own voice besides the music blasting in his ears, and Karkat couldn't care less about anything. He was singing. And he was honestly very happy.

"_When I hear my favorite song,_

_I know that we belong_

_you are the music in me_

_Yeah, it's livin' in all of us_

_and it's brought us here because_

_You are the music in me."_

Once he was done, his brown eyes opened, and he was panting a bit, probably flushed. He gazed at the webcam for a single, good minute before a genuine smile formed on his face and he said "Well, that's it" before stopping the recording.

He didn't know who would watch, but it was done and he felt better than he had all day, all week; music had that effect on him.

Karkat started the process of uploading the video to YouTube, after adding a description and disclaimer and all that, chuckling when he realized that he'd been singing a duet by himself. Wow. Might as well tape "loser" to his forehead.

Then again, he sang duets all the time, and if he really felt like it he might add a melody here and there to make it sound better. But this time, he was in the zone; all solo and he had liked singing it. So there.

Another song had begun playing while he sat there, for some reason it hadn't dawned on him that he had put together a High School Musical playlist and it was now playing _What I've been Looking For_, the beautiful reprise with Troy and Gabriella.

He hummed along with it, sitting back and jumping in with Troy's part, a familiar chill running through him when Vanessa Hudgens' lovely voice joined and created one of the most beautiful harmonies he remembered hearing.

"_This feeling's like no other..._

_I want you to know_

_that I've never had someone_

_who knows me like you do,_

_the way you do_

_And I've never had someone_

_as good for me as you,_

_no one like you..._

_So lonely before,_

_I've finally found_

_what I've been looking for."_

A small ding on the computer alerted him that his video was ready and he could now view it on his channel, information which he could care less about. He rolled away from the computer and got up, stretching, his stomach giving a pleading grumble that he knew was fruitless because there wasn't anything edible in the house - at least he didn't think. He ascended the stairs, figuring it was worth it just to check. When he opened the basement door, immediately something felt off.

"...Dad?" he called out hesitantly, walking into the living room and seeing said father figure hunched over in his chair, almost like he'd never left. A new bottle was clutched tightly in his hands, so tight that Karkat could see the white knuckles, of his dad's hand. Something was up.

"Did you fall asleep again?" he continued with a sigh, half-joking because clearly his dad wasn't sober enough to understand what he was saying-

-he was being held by a steel-like grip, it happened so fast and unexpectedly that a gasp trapped itself inside his throat, and he stared at his dad, who towered over him. Silent and looming.

His sleeve was harshly pulled further up his arm, and cold fear stung Karkat's heart. He couldn't understand what or _why_ this was happening, but then there was a growl from his dad's throat and the words, "You're weak" made a home in his ears.

Once more, this time louder; "You're weak. What do you do to your fucking arms?!"

Karkat couldn't move, the world was crashing down around him and he was frozen in place, like the child he had once, and always, been.

His dad kept on yelling. His face was contorted into something monstrous, bloodthirsty and ugly. "_THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS AND YOU CAN'T THINK THIS MAKES YOU BETTER, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE DEPRESSED ABOUT YOU SON OF A BITCH. YOU KNOW WHO DOES THIS? FAGGOTS! WEAK FAGGOTS SLICE THEIR WRISTS AND YOU'RE ONE OF THEM. YOU'RE NOT MY SON._"

The silence wasn't enough for him, he was on fire and Karkat felt the tears welling up again, like they always did even when he wanted them to hide, he wanted to hide but _there was never an escape-_

"Are you a faggot?"

His dad's tone had gone eerily quiet, but he still held onto his son's wrist. Karkat didn't want to look up at him but he had no choice, had to stare into those dark holes for eyes that held nothing resembling love or compassion, only _hatred._ Disgust.

"DO YOU FUCKING LIKE BOYS?"

"I-"

The strangled roar cut him off quickly, but he had no time to recover, to think - his hesitation was his downfall, it always had been. Karkat's cries and screams held no weight in the household, not when his dad was stronger and his fists made huge bruises on pale skin; he couldn't remember where he was or what was happening, his body was on fire and his cheeks were sore, he was on the floor and he dad was above him, making everything worse. Making his world dark.

He didn't remember when his eyes closed, or when he was left curled up, shaking, in the corner of the room, face throbbing.

He remembered his dad demanding to know who John was and why he kept calling for his help what seemed like moments before. Remembered that it made him _weak _to have tears drying on his cheeks, that the scars set into his skin were because he was a _faggot._

Home sweet home.

* * *

Hey guys! New chapter, obviously. Hoo hoo.

Sooo yeah. Sorry about the happy-sad transition. I apparently can't write ONE happy chapter.

(Karkat likes HSM okay hehehe)

Oh, and I totally didn't make up FeverDreamless; that's a real song by a real guy called Case. I don't own it or have anything to do with him! He's just a great singer and Karkat voice actor, and I thought it would be neat if Karkat was writing the song that Case made. Heh.

Anyway... hope you enjoy. Maybe a little?

_p.s. _Sorry I can't do the arrow thingy for Nep's quirk... Don't know why ff won't let me use it. Sigh.


	6. Chapter 6

**Reader: Be this guy no one knows about.**

You, being the reader, comply to this demand because you do not have any power over the story. You are now the guy that hasn't been introduced yet, and currently that guy is sitting in the library, listening to loud music on his iPod and pretending to be working on something.

This guy's name is Sollux Captor, and he has been charged with the task of delivering his buddy's homework to him after school, considering lack of said buddy in school for the past three days. He thinks it's a load of bullshit, which he chooses not to say out loud, while running a hand through his dark brown hair. Also, this weirdass voice invading his thoughts is kind of pissing him off. Nice job. You should get out of his head, and fast.

**Sollux: Think.**

Sollux had already been thinking before this strange command had even appeared! Silly.

_Jesus Christ, kk. What are you fucking doing, anyway?_

Drumming his fingers on the table with an air of annoyance, he focused his eyes - one blue and one green, thanks to the dominant heterochromia gene passed down in his family - on the small stack of papers, Karkat's package of suffering. What a bother. Why did _he_ have to be the one to bring it, anyway? Gamzee was perfectly capable of- Okay, maybe not _perfectly_, but he was still fucking capable of carrying some papers and handing them to the short-tempered asshole.

Sollux let out a frustrated groan, shoving himself away from the table and scaring a meek girl that happened to be sitting nearby. He glanced her way and gave a small apologetic nod, which she accepted eagerly. Feh. It was probably because she knew who he was. Who didn't? He was a pretty attractive and well-known guy around school.

Said guy gathered up his belongings and headed for the back door, ignoring the questioning looks of anyone nearby. He didn't have any classes left today, anyway. Just a couple of study halls that he could care less about. Might as well stop by and give his _pal_ a visit.

Even though it was early in September, the trees seemed about ready to give in and die; leaves were sprinkled about the campus and around the parking lot, and Sollux made sure to crunch on a few big ones as he walked on, checking his white sneaker and making sure it hadn't gotten dirty shortly after.

He was kind of OCD about certain things.

Such as a theme of duality; people mocked him about it a lot in elementary school, especially when he wore two different colored shoes and socks and for Halloween dressed up as a human Yin-Yang symbol - but later on the talking stopped, and everyone seemed to accept it.

Sollux liked to believe that it was this aspect of his life that kept girls flocking to him. His pair of eyes was yet another reason to believe it. Girls were suckers for them.

He gave a nonchalant glance both ways before crossing the street, taking a turn towards Karkat's house. It was then that he felt his phone vibrate inside his pocket and took it out, eyes gliding over the screen to search for ID.

Ampora.

What the hell did he want?

With a grunt he slid his thumb over the Unlock pad and opened the text message, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk.

_youre goin to vvisit kar after school aint ya_

Sollux rolled his eyes and began to walk again, his pace abnormally slow as he typed with skilled fingers.

_ii'm goiing riight now. what do you want._

A beautiful young woman taking her puppy for a walk passed by, offering a kind smile his way, and Sollux couldn't resist his own charming smile in her direction before it was replaced with a scowl as that hipster douche texted back.

_wwhy right noww_

_oh my fuckiing god. eriidan ju2t tell me what you want._

It took a few more seconds to receive the next message, and the glasses-clad teen nearly tripped over a lone fire hydrant while reading it.

_none a your business_

_just tell him to hurry up an get better so wwe can hang out or somethin_

Pfft.

_iif you plan on makiing a move on hiim i 2wear to god ii'll kiick your a22._

Not even wanting to see the reply, Sollux shoved the phone away and exhaled, scanning the houses to confirm his location. Alright, Karkat's house should have been close by...

Yup. Gray and dull, just like he remembered.

He clambered up the stairs and noticed the mailcase hanging from the door was...kind of overflowing. Somebody hadn't been checking for bills.

With a suspicious frown, he lifted a hand to knock at the door two hard times. Karkat knew him well-enough that two knocks was his signature greeting.

Nothing.

"KK, open up," he called out, not wanting to wake the moron's father up for any reason. That guy was an even bigger ass, and a drunk one at that.

When a long minute of silence passed, Sollux readied himself to bust the door open. Something was fishy.

And for once, it wasn't Ampora or Fef.

"What in the unholy mother of fuck are you doing here?"

Oh.

He looked up- then back down, to see a, well...pale husk of a friend he knew, standing in the doorway and wearing an oversized black sweatshirt. He looked like he hadn't gotten a week's worth of sleep, but the bags under his eyes were a normality so maybe multiply those by, like, ten. And not to mention how ghost-like he was. His _voice_ was even softer, like he was afraid to be too loud.

Sollux took him in for a good minute before wordlessly offering the papers from his backpack.

Karkat blinked tiredly, and it didn't seem to register in his mind what they were until he growled, bitterly accepting them into his thin fingers. "Wow, thanks for the delivery. What are you, the mailman's bitch for a day?"

"Get the stick out of your ass. I was called to the office to bring them to you because you haven't been to school in, what, three whole days?" An accusing narrow of the eyes behind tinted glasses had his shorter friend avoiding his gaze. "What have you been doing? Are you sick?"

"...No."

"Bullshit. You look like a fucking child that was just rescued from the Holocaust."

"I don't want to talk about it, Sollux! Fuck!"

A bird chirped happily overhead.

Sollux massaged the bridge of his nose between two fingers, biting back more harsh words and trying to control his rising headache. This guy was like a little angry bee, always buzzing around and giving him migraines.

Karkat coughed raspily into his fist, wincing in pain and glaring back up at the taller teen, eyes searching for something. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Was that it? Just came to give me my homework and get a story that will stir up gossip among the crowd of ignorant fucktards at school?"

Oh my god. "Stop being a drama queen. That's all I came to do. And I was kinda worried about you, so shut up."

Karkat paused, his smaller hands clenching into fists and crumpling the edges of the paper slightly. "...Whatever. I'm fine, don't worry about me. I've had company, so-"

"Company?" Sollux peered over his head, trying to see if he could spot any guests in the house that he wasn't aware of. "Who?"

He could have _sworn_ he saw the little asshole's cheeks go pink.

"Nobody, nevermind," was the mumbled response, and Karkat turned away slightly as though planning on going inside. "Just...don't worry, alright?"

Sollux felt a sting of some emotion, his old enemy, and it took a lot of energy to hold it back. He cleared his throat and stuffed both hands into the pockets of his black jeans, managing a nod. "Fine. Just take care of yourself, KK. And come back to school soon. Ampora misses you."

Karkat's face twisted in an amusing way that pulled a smirk onto Sollux's face.

"Tell him to buy a fucking pet," he replied, chuckling quietly as he closed the door.

The brown-haired pole of a teenager shook his head, turning on his heel and walking back down the steps, giving a last glance over his shoulder at Karkat's house. There was definitely something going on, and he didn't know _what._ And it pissed him off.

Made him jealous.

Sollux retrieved his cell phone once again, staring at the lock screen mindlessly as his mind buzzed like an angry beehive, theories and ideas flying around and making his vision blur at the edges.

He was almost certain Karkat's demon of a father was involved, somehow, but he decided not to question it. If Karkat wasn't breaking down in the doorway and pleading with him for help, he would leave the guy to himself.

Five new messages from that idiot. Fucking Christ.

With a scoff Sollux typed out a quick message and headed in the opposite direction, to his own house. Mituna was probably still home playing video games and throwing food at the TV screen, but he could live with that.

_kk 2ay2 you need a fuckiing pet. you're welcome._

**Karkat: Answer chum.**

**CG: SORRY. SOMEONE WAS AT THE DOOR.**

**EB: who?**

**CG: JUST A BUDDY OF MINE. NO BIG DEAL.**

**EB: oh.**

**EB: isn't school still going on right now? did he sneak out or something?**

**CG: PROBABLY.**

**CG: WHO KNOWS.**

**CG: HE'S THE TYPE TO WALK OUT IF HE FEELS LIKE IT ANYWAY.**

**EB: heheh. like you?**

**CG: SHUT UP.**

**EB: /laughs**

**CG: TCH.**

**EB: anyway, i was thinking we could do something to cheer you up later!**

**CG: OH REALLY.**

**CG: LIKE WHAT, EXACTLY.**

**EB: weeeell...  
EB: i mean it might not help much.**

**EB: or it might. i don't know!**

**CG: EGBERT.**

**CG: ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME OR NOT?**

**EB: ok, ok!**

**EB: do you have a skype?**

**CG: ...YEAH.**

**EB: cool. ok, so you can just add me on there and then i was thinking**

**EB: that later on we can have a video call?**

**CG: ...UH.**

**CG: WHY.**

**EB: why not?**

**EB: maybe seeing my dumb face will cheer you up? :P  
CG: HAR HAR.**

**CG: NO SERIOUSLY, WHY.**

**CG: YOU CAN'T EVEN HEAR ME AND YOU DON'T TALK SO IT'LL JUST BE AN AWKWARD SILENCE WHILE WE TYPE.**

**EB: :(  
EB: well i know that, but...**

**EB: we should do a room-tour or something?**

**EB: i don't know karkat. i guess it was a shitty idea.**

**EB: sorry.**

**CG: OK WAIT.**

**CG: ...IT DEPENDS ON IF MY DAD COMES HOME.**

**CG: IF NOT WE'RE IN THE CLEAR.**

**CG: BUT I'LL ADD YOU JUST IN CASE.**

**EB: :D**

**EB: wait, where's your dad? at work?**

**CG: ...YEAH.**

**EB: ...he's been at work for three days?**

**CG: HE UH  
CG: BUSINESS TRIPS. HE GOES ON THOSE.**

**CG: A LOT.**

**CG: NO BIG DEAL.**

**EB: oh, alright.**

**EB: why can't we if he comes back?**

**CG: HE DOESN'T REALLY LIKE MY FRIENDS.**

**CG: HE DOESN'T LIKE ANYBODY, REALLY.**

**CG: HE FUCKING HATES ME SO I DOUBT HE'D LIKE ANYONE ELSE.**

**EB: oh, karkat... i'm sure that's not true!**

**CG: WHATEVER.**

**EB: but well, with the business trip things...**

**EB: my dad goes on those a lot, too.**

**EB: i know how it is.**

**EB: except i have jane with me, and i used to have jake.**

**EB: so i guess it's not the same... :c**

**CG: WELL, CLOSE ENOUGH.**

**CG: EVEN IF I'M ALL ALONE IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.**

**CG: I HAVE YOU TO TALK TO. SO.**

**EB: hehe.**

**EB: yep!**

**EB: i'm so glad today was friday so i can rest for the weekend before going back to school.**

**CG: YEAH.**

**EB: you'll be back on monday, right?**

**CG: SURE.**

**EB: will you feel better by then?**

**CG: ...PROBABLY, JOHN.**

**EB: ok, good.**

**EB: maybe we can hang out after school!**

**CG: SURE.**

**EB: are you even into the idea at all?**

**CG: HONESTLY?**

**CG: NOT REALLY.**

**EB: why?**

**CG: IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.**

**CG: I JUST DON'T**

**CG: KNOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO THAT WILL ENTERTAIN US BOTH.**

**EB: pffft. we can find something.**

**EB: maybe i can go over to your house!**

**CG: UH...**

**EB: orrrr maybe you can come over to mine.**

**EB: we'll see.**

**CG: …**

**EB: i think i'm going to go get a start on my homework now...**

**EB: jane will scold me in ~*SIGN LANGUAGE*~ if i don't at least have one assignment done when she gets home.**

**EB: so i'll talk to you later?**

**CG: YEAH.**

**CG: I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF WE CAN DO THE SKYPE THING.**

**EB: cool.**

**EB: bye!**

**CG: BYE.**

**ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering ****carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]**

**ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering ****carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

**EB: cheer up, ok?**

**EB: (:B = like that.**

**ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering ****carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

* * *

wow OKAY HERE WE GO.

I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AND I'M SORRY THIS IS A REALLY DUMB CHAPTER BUT I WANTED SOLLUX IN HERE AND GOTYJTNBDS!

I've just been so unmotivated lately and i'm really sorry, you guys. :c please don't hate me.

I'm not giving up on this story, I promise! Don't worry your cute little heads.

So...enjoy, i guess! Next chapter Karkat and John will have a little skype date! *wonk*


End file.
